I was recently talking to someone in management who was discussing a conflict with his team and he got to the all too familiar…”well, I don’t need them to like me, I just need them to do the work”…and I smiled and said nothing. I suppose I should’ve been more forthright but my opposition was just so strong that I couldn’t find the words in the moment.
Pick your version: whether it’s Charlie Munger’s “Liking/Loving Tendency” or Robert Cialdini’s “Liking Rule”…there’s enough to foster a serious argument against my management friend’s assertion. Sure, your priority is not to be best friends with your staff, or with vendors you might rely on in the course of your business, but at the very least you need to be fair and consistent. But neutral doesn’t exist…either they like you or they don’t and it sure as hell matters in terms of you reducing the friction needed to meet your goals.
THINK TUPPERWARE
The classic example used to illustrate this point are good old fashioned Tupperware parties. I think updating the example might be necessary, but nonetheless, the business model is clear: gather people who like you, gather them together with food and drink, and watch your sales success improve. People are more likely to be persuaded by you if they like you. They are less likely to work with you if it’s obvious you don’t value the relationship. As Munger puts it, “life is too short to do business with people you don’t like”.
PUSH V. PULL
You might not be in it to be best friends with people, but you need to do enough to have them on your side when decisions need to be made. So often people struggle moving team members because they’re stuck having to push them toward action. They’re on the wrong side of the fulcrum. Pushing takes extra effort and convincing as if you’re moving uphill. This happens when your people aren’t with you or you’ve failed to fully address the how’s and why’s. If your people are with you they ask for clarification or contribute to strengthen the plan in the moment in the moment. When they’re with you, you’re leading them, and movement comes down to pulling them with you, which is far easier and more productive. It’s easy if you’ve put in the relationship work up front. They want to follow you because it’s easier to do so.
In the school setting I saw this all the time. Teachers getting into arguments/power struggles with kids because they were noncompliant. The teachers would interpret the students’ actions as saying, “I’m not doing this”…but more often than not the more accurate translation was “I’m not doing this for you”.
VENDORS HAVE CHOICES
The real estate world is out of balance right now. Property value is still high due to low supply while demand is coming down with increasing interest rates. Unemployment figures are as low as they’ve ever been so maintenance vendors are having a harder time filling their teams or working with less. Due to this, there is more competition for maintenance vendors than we’ve seen in several decades. What does this mean? It means vendors have options when it comes to the work they want to take? Job too small…no thank you. Job too large…no thank you. And as mentioned above: you or your leadership are disagreeable and unliked…no thank you.
Let gravity work for you. Decrease friction by being cognizant of how people perceive you. In a modern world, with Google Searches and Google Reviews, your reputation has never mattered more.
Notes:
I really enjoyed this. It’s not about what you know it’s about how people feel about what you know.
Arm around approach is the teaching of the almighty D’Agnillo and it rings true until the day this world stops. PS - if the world did stop spinning it would send us flying. Earth spins at about 800MPH